What Is Unisex Perfume? Can Men and Women Share

There is a very familiar situation: two people in a relationship, one sprays the other's bottle and finds it suits them better than their own. Or you borrow your brother's perfume for a day at work, a colleague compliments you, and only when you get home do you think, "hang on, that's a men's scent". This happens more often than you would think.

The word "unisex" printed on the box is really the brand's way of telling you they have not split this scent by gender. But the line between men's and women's perfume is a market convention, not a law of chemistry. This article sets out what unisex actually means, why some scents can be shared and others cannot, and how to choose one that fits the climate and daily routines in Vietnam.

Unisex is not a type of scent, it is a way of labelling

Many people assume unisex is its own fragrance family, something like "mild and neutral, anyone can wear it". Not quite. A bottle of perfume contains only aromatic materials, alcohol and water. None of those ingredients has a gender. What decides whether a bottle is filed under "men's", "women's" or "unisex" is largely branding: the shape of the bottle, the colour of the liquid, the name, the advertising imagery and where it sits on the shop shelf.

This habit of splitting everything in two grew out of the Western mass market last century. White florals, rose and sweet fruit were assigned to women. Wood, leather, moss and cool aromatics were assigned to men. Niche houses, meaning the small perfumers working in a more artistic direction, have mostly dropped the division altogether. Le Labo, Byredo, Diptyque, Memo and Nishane all present most of their catalogue as genderless.

When you smell something and feel it "suits" you, your nose is responding to the materials and the structure of the scent, not to the words "pour homme" on the box.

In Vietnam there is another layer to this: many scents sold as men's in Europe are worn quite happily by Vietnamese women, and vice versa. Partly because the heat makes bright, citrus-heavy, dry woody scents far more comfortable than heavy florals. Partly because people here ride motorbikes, wear helmets and face masks, so a sharp scent quickly becomes unpleasant in an enclosed space, while a clean one holds up well.

The families that are already neutral

If you want to play it safe, look at the notes rather than the label. The following groups are almost always shareable.

• Citrus and the classic cologne. Bergamot, lemon, bitter orange, verbena. Acqua di Parma Colonia (eau de cologne) is the cleanest example of the group: Sicilian citrus, a touch of lavender and rosemary, finished with light sandalwood. On men and women alike the effect is the same, "just stepped out of the shower".
• Dry woods and modern sandalwood. Le Labo Santal 33 (EDP) is the one people always mention: cardamom with violet and iris on top, sandalwood and leather underneath. There is nothing in it that suggests a gender.
• Fig and the green family. Diptyque Philosykos (EDT) builds a whole fig tree: sharp green leaves, slightly milky fruit, woody trunk. Very easy to wear in the sun.
• Sea salt and open air. Jo Malone London Wood Sage & Sea Salt plays with sea salt, sage and driftwood. Light, faintly saline, clean.
• Amber and smooth musk. Juliette Has a Gun Not a Perfume is built from a single material, Cetalox, with no top or heart notes in the usual sense. It follows the wearer's skin, so two people using the same bottle can end up with two different results.
• Oud and spice. In Middle Eastern culture, oud has never been a men's scent. Tom Ford Oud Wood (EDP), with rosewood, cardamom, tonka and vanilla, is one of the most approachable ouds for a newcomer, and it sits beautifully on women too.

On the other hand, there are two directions where crossing over is harder. One is dense white florals of the tuberose and thick gardenia type, because the social habit of tying them to women is simply too strong. The other is the classic fougère family, dry lavender plus oakmoss plus coumarin, because it immediately brings to mind an older man's aftershave. It is not that you cannot cross over, only that you will attract a few curious looks.

Your skin has the final say

The same bottle sprayed on two people will usually not smell the same. That sounds a little mysterious, but the mechanism is simple: the nature of your skin, its surface temperature and even the air moving around you affect how quickly the fragrance molecules evaporate.

Oily skin tends to hold heavier molecules better, so the perfume lasts longer and the base notes come through clearly. On dry skin the top notes fly off quickly and the whole thing stays lighter and closer to the body. That is why a woman with oily skin wearing Terre d'Hermès may find the vetiver and woods opening up beautifully, while a man with dry skin wearing the same bottle finds it fading after only a few hours.

Ambient temperature matters a great deal too. In Saigon, where it is hot almost all year, everything lifts off faster, the scent projects widely for the first half hour and then drops away early. In Hanoi in midwinter, that same bottle will open slowly, hug the body and last much longer. Which means you should not conclude "this suits me" or "this is too masculine" after a single test in a single set of conditions.

How to test so you get a real answer

• Spray on your wrist or the inside of your elbow, do not decide from a paper strip. Paper has no warmth and no skin oil.
• Do not judge in the first 15 minutes. The top notes are always the loudest part and the least representative.
• Test one bottle at a time. Smell two or three in a row and your nose goes numb and stops telling them apart.
• Test in the situation you will actually wear it: commuting by motorbike, sitting in an air-conditioned office, standing in an apartment block lift. The lift is the harshest test of all.
• Test on at least two different days, ideally one sunny and one rainy.

This is exactly where decants prove useful. A 5ml vial is enough for a few weeks of regular wear, more than enough for you to find out whether you can live with the scent before paying for a full bottle.

Sharing a bottle with a partner or spouse: yes or no

Plenty of couples buy one bottle between them to save money. That is fine, but there are a few things to factor in.

First, how much you spray. Someone with oily skin and a high body temperature should spray less, two sprays is plenty. Someone with dry skin can go to three or four and still not feel it is heavy. Same bottle, different dose, two completely different effects.

Second, where you spray. Close to the neck and behind the ears and the scent stays with you and reads stronger to you. Onto the chest of your shirt, inside a jacket, or on the wrists and it is lighter with more moderate diffusion.

Third, and most important: if you go out together wearing the same scent, the air gets a bit thick. One of you wearing it while the other goes without or wears something quite different is far more comfortable, especially over a meal or sharing a car.

If you want one bottle that is genuinely safe for both of you, favour citrus, dry woods or clean musk. Avoid heavy sweet gourmands, because tolerance for sweetness varies hugely from person to person.